Two Proven Ways to Frustrate Yourself and Everyone Around You

We all know that person in our life. That person whose problems are so clear and solvable. We have already determined the books they “just” need to read, or the spiritual habits they “just” need to practice, or the life decisions they “just” need to make, that would easily solve their current issues. Even though we regularly “drop hints,” in some subtle and not so subtle ways, we just seem to end up more frustrated and hopeless that they will never get it together, and they seem more likely to take advise from a potato than us. Why?

We believe we can change people.

Of course we would never say that we can change people, which would sound really prideful. But, our attempts to change people only serves to reveal how greatly we trust in ourselves. God opposes the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. A proud person is one who trusts in themselves. When we believe we can change other people we stop walking by faith and start living by works. We become hypocrites. No one wants to hear what we are saying, not because it is not true, but because it lacks the power of the Holy Spirit. Our attempts to change people are too fleshly, too obvious, too hopeless, too this world. What we need is what everyone else needs: change that is beyond our own capabilities.

We believe that nothing will change a person.

Again, we would never admit that nothing will change someone else, that sounds so ungodly and defeatist. But, our indifference to those around us reveals that we do not believe that they are capable of change. We’ve given up. We don’t even believe the prayers we give. We call ourselves Christians yet there is no hope in us, at least not for “them”. Believing that nothing will change a person is the natural result of believing that we can change people.

What’s the Good News? Well, not being able to change people is a weakness that makes Christians strong. We can’t change our Church, our neighbors, our spouses, our friends, our kids, or the hardest place to change most of all: Ourselves. The Good News is that God has changed us in Christ and with that change is the promise of ongoing and eventual completed change.  “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). Look at this passage. Who is it that begins the good work in us? And who is it that will bring it to completion? God. Just like in our salvation God is calling us to trust Him for continued change in ourselves and others.

The good news is that only God can change people.

We believe that no one is ever beyond the transforming power of Christ (That which really changes people). Does this mean that we have no part to play in God’s transformative work? No. God uses us as change agents in the lives of those around us. We can’t change people, but God does use us in the process of changing others. This is a great mystery, mercy and joy for us as His followers. God uses us, we do not use Him for He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

So what should we do if we want to be used by God? Humble ourselves before Him. Ask Him to change us. Ask Him to make us more like Jesus. Ask Him to fill us with the Holy Spirit. Admit that we can’t change ourselves to be more like Christ, it must come from Him. Confess that we have been trying to change ourselves and others. Take a season of pleading with God like the friend who showed up at midnight banging on the door for bread, but instead of asking for bread let’s ask God to change our hearts to make us more like Christ (Luke 11:1-13). We can’t change anyone, not in the supernatural way that people need to be changed, not in a way that reveals power and life and freedom and joy and hope, but God can. Let us ask Him to change us.

As we humble ourselves before God we will experience His grace in new ways. For God opposes the proud but He gives grace to the humble. As we continue down the path of humbling ourselves before God we will find that God is using us to change those around us, because He is filling us with His amazing grace. When we start believing that it is only God who can change people we start walking by faith and start living by the grace He gives. We become real grace-filled people. People start to want what we are saying, because it is true and loving, and packed with the power of the Holy Spirit. We start to realize that ongoing change for ourselves and others is possible because our God is so gracious and He has done in Christ what we need most: change that is beyond our own capabilities.

Let all of us who are weary and heavy laden with trying to change ourselves and the people around us, humble ourselves before God every day, finding rest in the only one with life-changing power. By His grace He will use us as change agents in other people’s lives in greater ways than we could have ever imagined.

Persevere, Joey Turner Pastor of Student Ministry