My Corinthian Moment: Learning to Lean into My Weakness

I have been listening to a podcast entitled “You’re Not Crazy.” The podcast, aimed at pastors, is hosted by Ray Ortlund, a retired pastor, and Sam Allberry, who is currently a pastor.

The other day I heard them say something that surprised me. They said that it is not uncommon for pastors to be very discouraged, ready to give up, especially on Mondays, the day after they expend so much spiritual and emotional energy in ministry. Mondays, they said, are when the self-doubt can sweep over a pastor and cause him to wonder if he’s even in the right line of work.

Five years into my own time in the pastorate, I understand that kind of weariness: you’re caring for people whose problems are often overwhelming, and you carry those burdens with them. The task of spiritual leadership sometimes seems impossible: the pastor must not only cultivate his own confidence in the promises of God for his own life and his own family, he must also encourage others when they are discouraged or grief-stricken or paralyzed by anxiety.

What surprised me, though, wasn’t that a pastor might feel that way from time to time. What surprised me is that it is so common for other pastors to feel so low that self-doubt begins to creep in for them as well. What I heard them say in that podcast was that this double-edged awareness – of both my own personal limitations and the enormity of the task before me – is an occupational hazard of pastoral ministry. It’s par for the course.

Last week was a hard week.

All week it seemed I couldn’t help but look at the world through dung-colored glasses. So on the first day of this week, as I was walking from my car to the church door, I had a brief conversation with God. I acknowledged the fact that I’m in over my head, that the work I’ve been called to is simply too great for my capacity.

That’s when God’s Spirit reminded me of Paul’s observation that God’s grace is sufficient and that His power is “made perfect” in my weakness (II Cor. 12:9). God’s power in my life is consummated, brought to full strength, in my weakest moments.

Admitting what had been obvious for such a long time – that I simply wasn’t up to the task – was a kind of epiphany for me. I was surprised how freeing it was for me to realize that I don’t have to be paralyzed by my feelings of weakness; I can lean into that weakness and trust that God’s power will flourish in exact proportion to my deficits.

I’d love to say that I’ll never feel overwhelmed and discouraged again, that I now have a new reflex, an instinctive response to those feelings, that I’ll always remember that I don’t have to be paralyzed by my feeling of being overwhelmed.

Sadly, I am prone to forget. I know I’ll need to remind myself of this again – and often: It’s okay to feel overwhelmed because when I am weakest, then He is strongest.

Persevere,
Paul Pyle
Pastor of Discipleship